end the nonsense
On the way home i got to test the poncho i picked up on Monday. I'm surprised at how light the material is, and that it doesn't retain warm air as well as i imagined. And it managed to keep me dry. Putting on and taking of a backpack, as well as getting headphones out of my trousers needs some tweaking, i suspect muscle memory to already be working on it as i write this.
Until i turned 40, i wore bandshirts on most days. On the way home one day, i wore an Iron Maiden shirt, that i had bought in the late 80s; my Grandfather took my brother and me to a comic shop, and while we were in the vicinity. I remember the last time i wore that shirt, and the shape it was in: the once black fabric turned into a dull grey, riddled with holes, and you can't tell if Eddie isn't screaming for help, due to the print dissolving. When i wore that shirt for the last time, i walked past a school near to our apartment building. It was a warm day and some of the pupils were sitting outside, and one of them shouted "Nice shirt!" towards me and pointed at hers, which was an Iron Maiden shirt in better shape. I saw her from time to time, always greeting one another, and once chatted a bit about music, while she waited for her bus. Haven't seen her for at least a year now, and was surprised when she greeted me today. She wore a rather Goth-like outfit, Sisters of Mercy t-shirt, knee high Martens, black coat, and her hair dyed black. It's her last year at school, then she's going abroad with her family; her Mom is already working in Sweden, and prepared everything for her and her Dad's arrival.
That encounter, while not being directly linked, reminded me of the strange breed of people, that are 40+ Rammstein fans—or at least the few i encountered during rehab. They not only wear a shirt with the logo, it's on their bags, keyrings, socks. And when the instructor turned on music during stress release or movement classes, they'd always ask for Rammstein, which in combination with their get-up felt desperate after the third time. In particular when one mentioned The Offspring as one of their favourite bands…
To bring this nonsense to an end: i'm glad i stopped feeling the need to signal my likings to others and just do what makes me happy—looking like i'm going for a hike when i'm actually popping to the shops for some chocolate.