features
Had a … day.
Relaxing exercises made a wheel come off, again, and in reflection, the trainer told me not to worry, and get out of the exercise when it becomes to much to bear, and i'm tightening up rather than relaxing.
Thing is: i hate this body. I hate the concept of having a body, in whose magical journey of rotting away, i'm locked in. So, being told to feel certain way while in a meditative state, and connecting to all the pain and uncomfortable sensations, while being told about new sensations i don't want to happen—your on a beach, you press your feet into the sand, you're letting the sand run through your fingers—is horror stuff for me.
Afterwards we talked about the inner critic, and i just couldn't follow, still angry and now even angrier when i'm told i should consider meeting people and do things to strengthen my inner supporter. Fug that, i don't want to meet people, i'm already overwhelmed with Kirby and the Wife. I'm overwhelmed with having learned that my «curmudgeon» nature isn't a «fault, but a feature» caused by my autism. Everyday i'm trying to get through the day without being exhausted by all the smells, sounds, colours and characters i'm confronted with. Sorry for believing that my inner critic has a valid point, when he says «You are not made for this world, and you're far off from holding the line, at this moment, you're trying to buy time.»
Got a couple of movies—which i have no tine to watch…—and just ordered a Robot 4 figure from McDarlane's Superman 2025 line.
Read up on how to use Decal Fix/Softener. The different methods people use are very complicated to me.